Are you my friend?

I remember laying in bed waiting for my parents to come and say goodnight prayers with me. I was a little blonde girl who knew she had all the support in the world. My protecting and loving father without fail would take my glasses off my face every night. My caring mother would make sure there was a glass of water on my bedside table. I never forgot to pray for one thing, the thing i wanted most as a girl...friends.

I sure did have them though, but i never had a friend who desired to pour into me as much as i did into them. And it seemed very far fetched, but something not too much to ask for. Growing up that never became less of a desire than it always was. God seemed to have called me to be everyones counselor. I was always the friend people came to when all there temporary friends flaked on them. I was the one they came to when life got real tough. I loved that, i really did, but who was the friend i could go to when things got tough? I wouldn't be as experienced as i am now if my life hadn't been that way. I want to be a counselor, that desire is so strong within me. I am so grateful for that. But everyone needs a best friend no matter who you are.

God gave me one of those gold nuggets that you never let go of. He spoke to me, although it wasn't easy to receive or live out the way i had to, I knew it was my ticket for an amazing group of friends. You know that group of friends that hang out every saturday night? That pack of kids that create all their memories with? I wanted that. He spoke...."Be the friend you need Leah, and i will bless you" That was my freshman year of High school. I recently realized God had blessed me.

Ive always felt blessed all my life but i recently had one of those moments where i felt God's favor on my life abundantly. Overwhelming feeling ill never forget.

I turned 21 a week ago. A few weeks before i realized if i wanted one of those birthday party things i had to start planning. I have had some good parties but i have never attempted to get ALL my friends in the same place for my glory...haha So selfish! But this year i gave it a go! Risky! These birthday Party things never turn out well right?!

Lets cut to the chase, I was sitting at Oba Restaurant in Portland, OR sitting at the head of the table....I looked down at 22 people. 22 people (although there amazing people in Canada and busy that couldnt make it)! And im talking friends....no old people (haha), all my friends. And thats when the moment happened, I was so overwhelmed, you could not have gotten me to frown that night. Most every person old and new has had a close bond with me. Some have gone through everything with me and some have taken part in a God blessed ministry with me. I realized in that moment that God had answered my prayers, i about shed a few tears in that moment! But I couldn't through all the laughing and story sharing.

The next best thing was that everyone was having a blast! old and new friends were meeting each other and everything was blending so well, it made me so grateful that God had put me through the ringer to make my life transparent. If you got to know all those people sitting at that table you would have a pretty good idea for the person I have come to be.

I have never felt so loved and blessed in my life as I do today.

Ill go ahead and say and be proud, in that moment my obedience to the Lord had been rewarded and in that group of people God beauty was revealed a bit more to me. Wow, I am so in love with the God i serve.

A birthday I will NEVER forget.

Timing is everything

When the stars line up
And you catch a good break
People think you're lucky
But you know its grace

It can happen so fast
Or a little bit late
Timing is everything

You know I've had close calls
When it could've been me
I was young when I learned just how fragile life can be
I lost friends of mine
I guess it wasn't my time
Timing is everything

And I could've been a child that God took home,
And I would've been one more unfinished song
And when it seems a rhyme is hard to find
That's when one comes along
Just in time

Well I remember that day
When our eyes first met
You ran into the building to get out of the rain
Cause you were soakin wet
And as I held the door
You wanted to know my name
Timing is everything

And I could've been another minute late
And you'd never would've crossed my path that day
And when it seems true love is hard to find
That's when love comes along
Just in time

You can call it fate
Or destiny
Sometimes it really seems like its a mystery

Cause you can be hurt by love
Or healed by the same
Timing is everything

It can happen so fast
Or a little too late
Timing is everything

How to Get God’s Attention

Do you ever feel like God isn’t listening? Do you ever feel like your prayers are just bouncing around in your head, not going beyond you?Its frustrating isn’t it?

Well imagine yourself in a room, your sitting in a chair, you close your eyes to pray, with no distractions around you and then you open them, there Jesus is sitting right in front of you. He is nodding his head responding and hearing everything your saying.

Is it possible to feel like Jesus is that attentive to your prayers?
YES, I think it is.

Lets start with something simple that we know well to do or maybe we aren’t so good at. HOW DO YOU GET A PERSONS ATTENTION?
1.Acknowledge them.
-Say there name.
- Tap them on the shoulder.
- Shout to them (Hey Jon! Can I speak with you?!)
2. Greet them.
- Hey how ya doin?
- Whats new?
-Its really great to see you!
3. Speak to them.
- Your concern or info/content needed to be expressed.

So how do we communicate to GOD?
1. Acknowledge HIM.
-calling on His name
-removing all other distractions
2. Greet HIM.
- praising Him
- Putting Him above all others including yourself
3. SPEAK TO HIM.
- Lay your burdens at His feet.
- matters of the day and of the future or past.

What do those things have in common? They both Take INITIATIVE.

Jeremiah 29:11-14
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,”

How people Got Jesus’ Attention:

Mary and Joseph greeted Him then searched for Him.
King Herod sent searchers/messengers.
A man with leprosy and ruler kneeled before Him.
A centurion asking for help.
Two Blind men called out to Him. “Have mercy on us!”
A mother and two sons waited for Him.
The Pharisees interrupted Him.
A Canaanite women Cried out to Him.
A woman simply touched his cloak.

You see its not how do I get God’s attention its how do I get myself to take initiative.

I can’t get His Attention,

1. Check my heart.
- What am I giving my focus to?
- What/who am I giving my heart to?
- A lot of times we wont notice our hearts and attention is in the wrong place. We could be devoting ourselves to a bunch of nothings!! And not notice.
- God desires all of us. He is a jealous God.

2. Check my Motive.
-Trend seeker? Or Genuine curiosity?

3. Check my initiative.
- Finding Him in the word.
- Finding Him in my prayer.
- Finding Him in worship.
- Finding Him in Creation.

Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

In my life i have struggled with this only for one reason, I pushed God away and accused him of leaving me behind when in fact my hand was against God instead of reaching for Him. God seeks us on a daily basis, all hours of the day. When i had a time of falling away he sure did seek me, but....HE COULD NOT FIND ME. I was ashamed and broken. Pushing him away while going deeper into this world. Maybe you dont feel like you have His attention but ask yourself why. You my be happy and content with life now but later you might realize how miserable you really were.

so....When He seeks you will He find you?

Right now He knows your thoughts, He knows your intentions, He knows your dreams, He knows your desires, He knows what you want. Because…HE DESIRES YOU. YOU ARE HIS THOUGHTS. YOU ARE HIS INTENTION. YOU ARE HIS DREAM. YOU ARE WHAT HE WANTS.

Purpose

What you see to my right is what I do. If I am ever unsure of anything I know God placed me in these Jr.highers lives for a reason. To learn how to love God and love others. They bless me more than i could ever imagine. The uncountable smiles they put on my face keep me coming back. (WSFC Fusion Youth)

NEW

Well folks my life is drastically different from a year ago, I thought I would document what's new in my life right now and what I am currently involved in.

I'm living in Salem OR with my parents, I am beyond blessed with the privileged of living under their roof. NO RENT! Woohoo! I go to West Salem Foursquare Church and I am loving it! New friends and new family. So blessed by the people God has placed around me there. Salem is so awesome, i love that downtown Salem is within minutes of me, i love how its a "big little city". I love to go downtown, do some devos and people watch :)

I am a Jr. High leader at the youth group, and I think thats the best decision I have made. They bless me so much I cant handle it! They way i have connected with my girls can never be replaced, and every-time we meet our relationships with God get deeper and deeper. I am a blessed person given the privileged to lead such amazing 11-13 year olds. Did i mention the laughing that goes on?! Endless laughing and smiling! And above all they are awesome worshippers!

Along with Youth Group I am the Afternoon Front Desk receptionist/Youth admin/and Pastor Dans Assistant all at the church. I get to do the very thing I am going to school for every day. Learning more about God and serving HIM. I couldn't ask for anything better! I have so much fun at work and I get to do a lot of problem solving which I also love.

I am finishing up my credits at Canby Bible college in the mornings. I just got finished with a semester there and I am a week into a new one. WOW is what I have to say about the body of people who sharpen me at this College. It is a very intimate and growing environment where you are not forgotten. God has blown me away through the professors and classmates in my time there, I am truly honored to be accepted as a student there. This Spring i will be graduated with an Associates of Arts in Theology at Pacific Life Bible College in Surrey, B.C. Canada. Woohoo!

God is my Savior and throughout this year He has proven Himself to me in so many ways. His words are always enough and His words are what got me here to Salem, OR. (the last place i thought i would be!)

When i think back to the year 2010 I will remember these three things:

1. Remember what God has done.

2. When you know the right way to live, you will be miserable living the wrong way.

3. Ministry = Service.

I am so thankful for the work of the Lord.

Come visit me and check it out!

heart break

the tears are falling.

pain is increasing.

love is becoming worthless.

broken.

people are running.

abandonment.

self worth hardly exists.

murder.

My heart is exploding! Be careful when you ask the Lord to break your heart for what breaks His. You will never be blind again.

LOVE, if you have it, GIVE it.

2010

WOW. What a year it has been. A very hard year to say the least. One i will not forget. So much has happened, so much change, so much healing. Really everything thing was good, but tough to confront. Last year at this very time, i had so much hope for my life to be a certain way for the next year. But God brought different challenges and blessings. Starting this new year, i am not asking God for anything. He knows better, He knows what i need.

I have been so blessed this year by my parents. Ok maybe I am spoiled :)

I have also been very spoiled by a new church family who has loved me and allowed God to give me an abundance of opportunities to serve Him. Thank you WSFC for being obedient and serving our community.

I'm sure looking back on your own life, you will see you learned the most in your toughest times. I learned a lot this year!

I learned a lot about contentment.

I learned that you dont need anything to impact others but a willing heart and the Holy Spirit.

I learned a lot about forgiveness.

I learned I love to run.

I learned to appreciate God plans for other people.

I learned even when people doubted Gods plans for my life, i still succeeded.

I learned Dutch Bros. makes all there drinks with half and half. :/

I learned Jesus will come quickly. I will keep His words.

I learned rebel streaks are not necessary.

I learned I need a lot more grace than expected.

I learned a bit more that i love people so much!

I learned I need to forgive myself even when i forgave everyone else.

I learned more about God's love and how it can consume me.

I learned my parents are still giddy for each other.

I learned I have a fetish for birds (decorative things).

I learned when i see other succeed i get overwhelming joy! (I tear up too easy!)

Most of all I learned God will never abandon me.

So take a deep breath and BEGIN year 2011. Expecting to see and feel Gods hand everyday.

The only part of you that people are really interested in, is what is real. That is often the hardest part to show. And also it might not be so pretty, but when you become transparent thats when your can begin your beautiful journey.

This Holiday season be real with your family and let them see the parts of you, you dont often show. I know you are concealing something, i know i do. Show your passions, what you love, and what your dreams are.

And if your angry about something when it comes to your family, dont wait til your about to burst to expose that. Do it when your in a good mood or calm.

I want to know the real you, because thats who i love!

Love,

Leah

Although...

Loosing sleep.

Tonight is one of those nights I need to take my own advice and read some of my previous blogs, to remember how I have learned and what I have been saved from.

Tonight is one of those nights I'm just sad to think of what I may be missing.

Tonight is one of those nights I don't want to be alone in this room.

Tonight is one of those nights where being this outspoken and full of emotions makes me be thankful I am so alone.

Tonight is one of those nights where I remember the trouble I got myself into, letting myself find worth in the wrong person or the wrong thing.

Tonight is one of those nights where all I'm wanting is a change.

Tonight is one of those nights where its just a little too dark.

Tonight is one of those nights where I feel like all my scars where created just yesterday.

Tonight is one of those nights I need to take my own advice and read some of my previous blogs, to remember how I have learned and what I have been saved from.

MY mind is going to the wrong corners of my brain! God made me so detailed and gave me a great memory. Although i seem to remember the bad things more these days, than the good things. It used to be the total opposite, but the good things God does in my life i do not forget. I have forgiven but i haven't let go completely of the hurt. Why is that so hard for us to do when thats the feeling we want the least? Is it because thats the last thing we have? If we let go of the hurt than its completely gone. Maybe i dont let go of the hurt because i will feel it was all for nothing? None of these reasons make sense but may be true. I need to do something differently.

So lately i have had lots of opportunities with my art. Although they have not played out yet. So maybe i just need to jump into my art more. I need to get the juices flowing. I need to warm up these fingers. Thats what im going to do. I will paint.

Ill post a picture soon.

Thank you cyber space for listening to me rant this late evening.

(a previous painting the Holy Spirit inspired me to do)

Let Go and Let God

I have ran into a moment this evening where I feel very uncomfortable. Being reminded of my mistakes makes me come undone and so uneasy. This makes me wonder if I have truly forgiven myself. I must say though I have come a long, long way. 10 months ago I would have been falling apart but now its more like a poke in my side.

Its interesting how our minds can flash visions of how it could of been or how we would have done it all differently. These visions in my mind are bringing me down. I try to talk myself out of them, telling myself its in the past, you have no control of the past. Which is true but I remember I cant do this on my own. So I replace those thoughts with prayer then jump on the computer to see if a friend is available to talk. Bethany a college friend of mine was able to talk for 5 minutes which is all it took. We both new I was past this little hiccup I was dealing with and all I needed was a little encouragement and distraction.

Praise God for bringing us through trials and giving us purpose and a tangible love we can have. No matter the situation we put ourselves through God always gives us a way out. When we recover from that situation, we somehow, one day, love the ones who hurt us again. Then we regain conscience of knowing we deserve what is real and what is given to us by God...Forgiveness.

Can you recall a situation where God saved you from what could have been? Can you think of a time where you finally made the right decision when it mattered most? If you can, thank and Praise God for it now!

Maybe all you can think of in your head is that you have failed everything. I know thats not true, but maybe this can cause you to make a good decision right now. Has something been controlling you? Have you been allowing the enemy to have his way because you have given up? Have you allowed something or someone to have power over what you do, say or believe? You were created to do good things and be good and to minister, that is why when you do the wrong thing you are miserable. Take the challenge and change something in your life that will put you in a better place tomorrow. Then forgive and forgive yourself.

Now i can rest. Goodnight.