Dreaming.

I'm looking for adventure, something that requires doing and discovering. I want to feel things I've never felt before. I want to move and keep moving.

Holding out my heart but clenching it so close. 

Me and God, we've drawn closer. 

He is ravished by me.

And has a hold on me so deep. 

I'm in a place where I am not sure of the next step.

But I cant complain.

I sit in a room and dream of what's ahead.

But I'm not sure what that is.

But I cant complain. 

Dive into the sea.

Jump off a cliff.

Ride a horse.

White water rapids.

Falling in love.

Oak tree in the middle of a field.

An African sunset.

Run 5k.

End of a hike.

View of a thousand acres.

I'm sitting in my room dreaming of what's ahead.

But i cant complain.

HIs will be done in my life.

Life hasn't ever proved itself to be consistent, except the way it changes. Also it seems that our minds and emotions change right along with it. I have learned that when something isn't set in stone you probably shouldn't talk it up to people, because people change and relationships change. 

I guess i caught myself. Caught myself changing, not knowing what God wants anymore. People worry and seem to loose trust in my decisions? Everything gets complicated when only YOU can see and experience what causes those changes and in turn people don't understand you, but then there are few that do.

I Just want all of you to know that God WILL have His way in my life. I will never find joy or happiness if i do not allow it, its as simple as that. I love our Lord and i will gladly fulfill His will in my life :)

If you cannot trust me, then trust the Lord with life.

"When you know the right way to live, you will be miserable living the wrong way."

Meet me....

Dear Leah,

Right and left i see you hurt.

Up and down you go around again.

Dont you see that door in front you?

Lets walk out together.

My hand has always been there.

How many times will you reject me?

My love is real, their love it fails.

I am the light that will guide you home.

No one can love you like me.

I look into your eyes, i want to see you through.

I'm by your side through it all,

because i am in love with you.

Come back to me,

I see something in you no one else can see.

Remember those times we laughed?

:) Your smile is so amazing.

Remember when i made you the happiest you have ever been?

I love seeing your Spirit so free.

Can we go back to that place?

The place of freedom.

When you loved me with all that you had.

When you couldnt look at a sunset without thinking of me.

Will you come?

Come to my safe open arms.

Into that we field we always danced in.

Under that tree where i romanced you.

I am waiting...

Always Yours,

Jesus

HAHA, i love Jesus so much :)

I will have one down moment in a day and he will say all those things to me without fail. This is the best romance ive ever been in :)

Hhehehe, im a giggle monster!

His Light Shines on Me

You wish that person would take those words away.

You wish that person would have loved deeper.

You wish that person would have been selfless.

You wish you would not have said those words.

You wish you would not have loved at all.

You wish you would not have been so selfish.

Some of those statements above i have felt have a meaning that you may not understand by just reading them. Behind them might be scars or wounds. Behind them are moments, experiences, and times of pain. Those statements have caused me to sin.

All the things i have just confessed can be forgotten. There is no use of remembering those times of pain because that will not help me grow, all i do while going over them over and over in my mind is nurture anger. I have replaced them with strength, real love, compassion, grace, and forgiveness. 

If your reading this and you know about this blog most likely you know my past and you know i gave my heart away, but ive come to realize i never gave my heart away. That is right! I really tried to give it away but it was rejected. rejected because the place i was trying to put it wasnt the right place. What i gave away was my emotions. 

This summer has been a process of gutting out and pulling together my emotions. God has been reviving me over and over. I am so thankful to be loved by our God and i am so thankful He gives me grace unending. 

BUt hey i want to give you hope in knowing the past is over and the future is a goal. Only take what you learn and love from the past and throw the rest away, because God has a plan to restore you and use you and love you. God wont put you through anything you cant handle. As it says in 1 john "....the darkness is passing and the true light it already shinning"

My favorite parts of life are when you are coming out of a trial with triumph and knowing you have already won the ones in the future because with God all things are possible.

At the beginning of this summer when i was at my weakest i knew at the end or in the future it was going to be a summer to remember. Perhaps the best summer of my life. It irritated me so much to know i was in the midst of so pain yet i couldn't have restoration at that moment. I'm sure most of you would disagree and say i could have that in that moment, but the process i had to undergo couldn't happen over night. In fact it was important that it didn't. 

I feel like the free Spirited Leah again. I can see and hear the Lord clearly again. I am free to hang from trees and love my enemies :) if i have any. I cant watch a sunset or look deeply at creation with getting all teary eyed and overwhelmed by His Spirit again ! It's so great! 

Praise Him for my struggles.

Praise Him for my victories.

Man i am so in love with Him.

Spend Time With Me.

Your voice will be heard,

Through my sinful mouth.

Your love will be felt,

Through my weary hands.

Your salvation will be seen,

Through my weak words.

Your faithfulness will be known,

Through my hesitant actions. 

...To all generations and nations. 

Thank you Lord that you make me strong. 

My calling is known but my destination is a mystery. Where will i land? Or will i land? What land will my God take me? It must be far and it must be wide. These desires and dreams that i do not yet know the details of keep getting bigger. Every time i think upon the Lord, He reminds me of these dreams i feel as though i have not yet grasped. The capacity of my dreams cannot or it cannot fit into my common sense. In the last 2 weeks i have not been able to keep back my joyful tears when i encounter God. I tell you the truth that this love consumes and renews me, i do not lie when i say the presence of God over takes my whole being. I want to shout from the mountain tops how much i adore and love our great God.  I cannot stay silent, i know soon God will show me where im going. I know that soon i will be used in a great way. I KNOW because HE told me. 

Right know its 12:50 AM, and God will not let me sleep. He said "Spend time with me Leah" and in the last 3 days i have never spent more time with Him in my life! But yet he longs for more of me, more than anyone else does, and by me writing this is spending time with God. 

I am so IN LOVE with our creator, i feel as though my veins could explode! ITS an AMAZING rushing feeling, but its only begun! And thats the beauty of God, HE NEVER ENDS. He surprises me everyday, and loves me. My smile is radiant because of Him. But i still always ask the question to God "Is it time yet?" Is it time for the next step? I'm always looking ahead but i should be asking, "Lord how will you use me today?" or "What can i do for you?" Because im ready and willing! 

BAH! i could scream, i just want to go! i want to be a part in something HUGE that God wants to do in all the nations! I want to move and keeping moving! What is this destination God has for me? What is the purpose of this restlessness? i know God has me here right now to learn more and be well equipped...but i cant help but yearn for that beginning process to be over and start getting down and dirty with unbelievers. And seeing Souls saved. 

How many mountains will i climb until im satisfied? i know that answer to that one... and the answer is i will always keep climbing! 

Every time i worship the Lord i get this amazingly joyful, peaceful, renewing image in my head. The vision he blesses me with is this: Me Jesus are in bright purple lavender fields. He begins by walking me, holding my hand to the center of the field. Surrounding us are great mountains that i have never seen before. The air is warm. I am wearing a white cotton dress. As the music begins he offers His hand, and i gently grasp it. As the wind blows and the sun is shinning we begin to dance.  He does not take His eyes off of me, he looks at me with love, a burning love. We dance slowly and we dance fast!  He has whispered a number of things in me ear. "I will make all things beautiful in my time" "I have made you beautiful" "Show my love." and my favorite :) "I just cant stop thinking about you" This is what i mean when i say our God romances me. And this is why I am such a romantic! Because both my earthly and my heavenly fathers have loved me and romanced me. Making me feel worthy and beautiful. And all i want is for others to feel what i feel. HIS LOVE, HIS UNENDING LOVE! LOVE!

So come dance with us in the fields of grace.

Beauty Will Come

IN HIS TIME, IN HIS TIME
HE MAKES ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL IN HIS TIME
LORD, PLEASE SHOW ME EVERYDAY
AS YOU'RE TEACHING ME YOUR WAY
AND I'LL DO JUST WHAT YOU SAY
IN YOUR TIME.
IN YOUR TIME, IN YOUR TIME
YOU MAKE ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL IN YOUR TIME
LORD, MY LIFE TO YOU I BRING
MAY EACH SONG I HAVE TO SING
BE TO YOU A LOVELY THING
IN YOUR TIME

Real Fast

Sometimes life gets interesting real fast. And you wonder how it did! right now im filled with giggles, laughing at life, but im also freaked out that it might happen to me. BUt im determined to keep on the straight and narrow and put others feelings above my own. Being in a small bible college things can get real messy real fast when you live in close quarters, but im determined to focus on God and let him take my hand lead me. 

When things get messy you become selfish and focus on what you want other than what you are meant to be. My motives will lay aside all selfish desires and i will only act on God's desires. Sound easy? yeah its defiantly not but i am willing.

Prayer: Lord show me what it means to lay aside my own desires, show how to to love others with a pure love and not a fake stab your back kind of love. Help me to be known for your love and not for what i selfishly want. I am waiting on you Lord, you make all things beautiful in your time. I love you Lord.

-your princess 

Dreams that become reality

As i walk through life holding the hand of God, and as i trust God more, my dreams grow bigger. I have these dreams that i think about often, dreams that start as visions from God. As i think about these huge dreams everyday, the thought of knowing that there is someone out there that has dreams that will align with mine becomes evident, but then again having a different view of these dreams. God has placed in me a desire to keep dreaming bigger, and it seems as though i cant stop. These dreams are the same as when i was 5, these dreams are the same as when i was 16, these dreams simply get bigger. God places visions in me that add onto these dreams and guide me a little further. I may not speak of these dreams to often but they are steady in my head being protected until God gives me the signal to make a move. 

One day i want my dreams to define me, for God to be known by these dreams. I have allowed God to come into the deep dark places of my heart, to make His love known and to stay. He is my knight and shinning armor, He builds around my heart protection that will defend. He sheds His beauty on me everyday, and everyday i ask for it be revealed. In His daughter he puts visions, visions that she turns into dreams, and dreams that become reality.

I cant help but put that smile on that he has given me.

One day you will here of God's glory being revealed through these dreams.

Tragedy

So here I am Lord, Broken beyond belief.

I wonder at this moment how i have arrived.

Although he was a thief.

I still pray, hope and know he will succeed. 

You brought me words,

Words i did not know the meaning of.

The day came once again like a stabbing of a sword.

And those words brought me through.

Faithful doesnt give justice,

Love doesnt even explain,

Hope isnt even the feeling,

Because you are beyond all those words.

I saw the smoke in the distance,

but I chose to turn away and help the past.

That signal was my lifeline,

Until i answered i was only dead.

How would one that is already dead bring life to the ceased?

I became a fool lost the ways of a lifeless child.

I forgot how to decrease.

So you can increase.

While i was dead and without peace,

You were speaking.

I could not grasp them,

Although i was reaching.

Now you have restored my vision.

My life has just begun.

Tragedy has brought me joy.

And salvation is my gun.

Dance has sprung in my feet again.

You O'Lord keep my heart.

Safe from any harm.

So lets go back to the start.

My smile has been consumed.

You wonder why im lost?

BUt how am i supposed to be glued?

Do you think I'm forgone? 

I thread through you a color so bright.

Why did you run?

Let me love that part that has died.

Have i past?

This love that has grown inside me.

I want to find reason in why its there.

The door behind me was forced shut.

Two open on either side of me, what if i go through the wrong one?

Will you still be there in the end? when i fail...

This heart has been broken, this heart has healed.

But i always run right back to the start.

When i'm finally satisfied.

I'm fixing something invisible.

Its not my duty.

This time im not turing back,

This time im pushing my love through

i died. Have i died?

My soul is on the floor trying to find its heart.

My arms are over the edge feeling the bottom.

My legs are twisted, lost in there ways.

My stomach is inflamed, with insanity.

The head is calling them home.

"Come love, Come.

I'm afraid you have lost heart.

I'm afraid you have lost your ground.

I'm afraid youve left the path.

Let me take away your sin."

This sin that has en-gulped my neck.

But my neck will always keep my chin up.

These chains are only sand.

Sand has yet to prove itself.

So why should i be pulled by sin?

Thats it, I'm climbing up!

'You cant reach the top.

There is nothing left to grap on to.

It is flashy with ribbons and curls.

I will spin you and touch you.

Your bags are packed lets run, run, run away.'

The top is near.

I see a ledge.

Ribbons and curls will only squeeze my throat.

Your hands are cut off, you have no touch on me.

I'm already out of here.

So its time to be saturated.

Break my heart til i am consumed

Rebuild my flesh

Break these sinful desires, to there death.

I have been broken.

I have been healed.

You O'Lord have my heart.

And forever it will stay.

This Love consumes me, It renews me.

Lets laugh together, and raise our hands high.

O'Lord this smile, you bring upon my face!

This Love consumes me, It renews me. 

I'm dancin' in Your Feilds!

I'm light on my feet, My chains have been lifted!

This enemy has no hold on me!

Lets dance til the set of the sun!

This Love consumes me, it renews me.

My hands lift my heart unto you.

Break my flesh, Rebuild this heart.

This Love consumes me, it renews me.

This world with its lies i call not my home.

I look into your eyes, fulfillment has surpassed my belief!

You are my home, in your arms i will lay.

O'Lord here you will be.

This Love consumes me, it renews me.

Lets laugh together, our hearts are joined.

My smile has become radiant, You have rebuilt me.

This love consumes me, it renews me.