Family is where the heart is.

When i left home my first year of college i couldn't wait to get out of that town. I couldn't wait to begin the dreams that had formed in my mind, to be independent and to see where God would take me and what i would learn. As i was driving away that town disappeared in my rear view mirror, and i wasn't so sad to see it become so distant. 

When i arrived to my destination i was faced with trials, decisions, and paths. I had to gut a lot of things out of my life and start from the a foundation i was thankful i did have. In my mind i saw this soiled, perfectly plowed field, but with buildings that looked crooked and very unstable, some even beginning to rust. God showed me plainly that i needed clear them away and start to grow instead of build, you see we need Gods help to grow a plant, we can't make a plant grow but just give it what it needs...with a building its quite the opposite, we take it upon our selves to pound things together, and we often get what we want, but in this case it wasnt what God wanted. God shatter me, broke me into pieces that grew in the ground.

So some of those decisions influenced home a great deal, home became more of a place i did not want to be, it was a graveyard of memories i never wanted to be reminded of. Yes i had an AMAZING family always waiting at home for me, but i was repulsed by what was waiting for me there and that was pushed down hurts and feelings i covered up. You can see in pervious blogs that dealt with all this hurt and cleaned up a big mess that was deep down inside me. God brought me out of that mess and placed it in front of me and said he wasn't going to move it until i cleaned it up...i really had no choice but to get through it. PRAISE GOD :)

So i couldn't wait to leave...now i get wait to get back there. I miss it so much by heart just longs after that house i grew up in, the parents that love me, my sister and josh who are soon having a baby, my brothers and there wives. I have never been reminded of how great my is family more than i have now, i find myself in deep prayer for them often and think about them no less than every hour of the day. 

I have gone through such a long process in the last year i feel like a completely different person than i was a year ago. In fact i know I'm a different person. I believe it to be a beautiful thing.

I see why i am here, and don't get me wrong i love it here, I'm not miserable at all. I just feel this new and special tug in my heart to be home. Oregon is a beautiful place.

p.s. I truly and dearly love all my friends at PLBC :) You all have been such a blessing me.