"When i chase my tail I'll never catch it, but when i go about my business it will follow me."
The moral is that to achieve happiness we must abandon our striving for a happiness that lies yet ahead of us.
All my life i have always struggled with having my head in the future rather than here and now. I'm so focused on finding happiness in my future that i cant experience happiness right now, blocking me from being content with what i have. This longing for my future has turned me into a person who isn't satisfied with what God has for me right now, and thats not the person i want to be. i want to be a person who is constantly preparing for the future and constantly taking pleasure in the here and now.
I will never be happy in the future if i don't give life attention now.
There is so much to work on and strengthen.
So much to discover.
So much to love.
So i will take joy in waiting.
Waiting on love, triumph and healing.
God is always faithful, He is always true, He is always with us, He is good, so good.
Last night i stood in the middle of a field and asked God...Why? The word "why" began every sentence leaving no room for him to speak. i felt inadequate to even be a student, i felt irresponsible with my studies, and i felt unloved and left behind. I told God i couldn't hear him anymore, i asked him why he created me to be who i am because i felt worthless, a human with no purpose. I cried tears of confusion and frustration.
I was a selfish human in the middle of a field.
I was angry because things weren't going the way i wanted them to go. God didn't send a huge ball of fire and burst me in flames for my selfishness, instead he let me rant and rage in my anger. That is what i had to offer God in the moment...anger, tears, brokenness.
And thats ok.
And that was enough.
God met me, and He showed me, His love.
And thats enough.
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