Let Go and Let God

I have ran into a moment this evening where I feel very uncomfortable. Being reminded of my mistakes makes me come undone and so uneasy. This makes me wonder if I have truly forgiven myself. I must say though I have come a long, long way. 10 months ago I would have been falling apart but now its more like a poke in my side.

Its interesting how our minds can flash visions of how it could of been or how we would have done it all differently. These visions in my mind are bringing me down. I try to talk myself out of them, telling myself its in the past, you have no control of the past. Which is true but I remember I cant do this on my own. So I replace those thoughts with prayer then jump on the computer to see if a friend is available to talk. Bethany a college friend of mine was able to talk for 5 minutes which is all it took. We both new I was past this little hiccup I was dealing with and all I needed was a little encouragement and distraction.

Praise God for bringing us through trials and giving us purpose and a tangible love we can have. No matter the situation we put ourselves through God always gives us a way out. When we recover from that situation, we somehow, one day, love the ones who hurt us again. Then we regain conscience of knowing we deserve what is real and what is given to us by God...Forgiveness.

Can you recall a situation where God saved you from what could have been? Can you think of a time where you finally made the right decision when it mattered most? If you can, thank and Praise God for it now!

Maybe all you can think of in your head is that you have failed everything. I know thats not true, but maybe this can cause you to make a good decision right now. Has something been controlling you? Have you been allowing the enemy to have his way because you have given up? Have you allowed something or someone to have power over what you do, say or believe? You were created to do good things and be good and to minister, that is why when you do the wrong thing you are miserable. Take the challenge and change something in your life that will put you in a better place tomorrow. Then forgive and forgive yourself.

Now i can rest. Goodnight.

Next chapter.

Ever want to skip the Chapter your in?

I've always wanted to feel things and learn things but never have anyone notice. Hoping I could go through this rough patch without loosing the perception you have of me. People can be locked inside there own body and no one ever tells them its ok to become vulnerable. Vulnerability is where real beauty is received. If you never see me struggle ill just become a person who looks good on paper. Or someone you will never admire. Someone who lives simply with no stories to tell.

I want you to know its ok to fall, and its ok to stand up in front of everyone and try again. You may get your heart broken more than once, maybe you will sound like a broken record, but living your life adventuring into every corner is worth the risk. I promise you will have a story at the end of this people can learn from.

Don't ever regret loving someone, but dont ever compromise who you are here to be. Don't let things go unsaid, but don't forget how your own heart has been bruised.

Allow people to be vulnerable with you. Love them and hold there hand as they walk away from there fears, doubts, and sins.

And when you get to the parts you want to skip remember hold onto your purpose in Jesus. I loose my balance on this tight rope, but there is nothing that can ketch me like the love I have available to me through Christ. So when I have to come clean and I am vulnerable to you all, I will be safe. Everyone has there knew beginnings when they realize who they are is not who they have been. Through all this comes transparency.

Hide no more.

Enjoy where you are.

Be who you are.

Discover those around you.