Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Me Vs. The Mask

Lets face it Love can easily fit behind a mask.

Mask of Words.
Mask of Sex.
Mask of holding.
Mask of a smile.
Mask of promises.
But what really is behind the mask is lies.

The enemy molds people to break their promises, to restrict themselves from showing how they can love. Lives are destroyed by the misuse of love, countries even. So why do we still go after it? Why do we always fall so hard when we know what made us fall before? The world has put on a mask of love but what really is behind the mask is a deceiver. 
So why i ask again? 
Because we all know we have a real genuine love to give.

False relationships of love can tear a person apart, left feeling used and alone. So how do you avoid this? What would have made you wait until you had God's permission? Honestly looking back as a 16 year i dont think there was a thing in the world that would have stopped me. All i new was pure love, i had never felt mistreated in my entire life so i was naive enough to believe that would never happen to me because i never saw myself mistreating someone. The mask was so real looking, and there was a big heart inside i wanted to hold.

Then there comes a point where the mask comes off. You are aware of its powers but you believe you know the person trapped inside really loves you. So what do you do then? How do you leave someone behind that you have given more than you should to? After all if i was trapped in there i wouldn't want to be left behind. So she begins to fight this war that was never hers in the first place. She fights but her ammo and skills dont compete because they are being misused. So again she is left defeated, used and alone. So this cycle begins and before she knows it she is almost 20 and finally realizes the mask has toyed and rearranged the last 3 1/2 years of her life. But to find her dignity intact and her love for Jesus Christ strengthened and full of romance. The scars are disappearing. She gets to focus on herself and stare straight into the eyes of the Lord without shame.

She cant run from the past, present, or future but she can take it and keep what has made her bones stronger, her heart prepared, and her mind more clear. She had love for him no doubt, and if she could she would take all his struggles and demolish them, the worlds struggles even, but he just could not sacrifice his selfish desires, but he will someday. Someday he will be free from whatever it was that held his arms down and his voice inside. I may not ever know the reasons why but accepting that is the only way i can heal. 

What amazes me is through the years my love for Jesus has never disappeared, and my faith in his love has never been questioned. I've only questioned myself.  Jesus offers us a love so pure its easy to not feel worthy of it, i know ive felt that way recently.  Purity is what i long for within myself and within my relationship with Jesus Christ. I want to be sure the love i give is pure and reliable and what better way to learn than to love, Love its self!